What Happens in a Child Inclusive Interview? A Guide for Parents

As a parent going through separation, it’s natural to wonder about whether involving your child in mediation is a good idea.

The child inclusive model supports children in expressing how they feel about family changes in a structured, sensitive way, providing insight for you as their parent into how they are experiencing your separation.

The value of the child interview is that questions will not be specific to anything other than how life is for them at the moment. That way any onus to give ‘adult’ responses that the child thinks are required will be minimised.

What to Expect from a Child Inclusive Interview

In a child interview, a specially trained child consultant engages with your child through various activities, specifically designed to gently explore how they’re perceiving and responding to the changes in their parents' relationship.

These tools include things like “bear cards,” where children can select cards that represent their emotions, and “attachment stories,” which help them express their feelings about relationships within the family. Younger children may draw pictures, play with a doll’s house, or answer questions like, “If you had a really bad day, who would you tell?” Older children might talk about their wishes for the family or what advice they’d give a friend going through similar experiences.

These activities allow the child consultant to understand your child’s feelings and thoughts without them needing to put complex emotions into “grown-up” words. For instance, using projective tools such as the “dream drawing” exercise, children can illustrate their ideal family situation, giving the consultant a window into what brings them comfort, hope, or concern.

Understanding the Purpose of Child interviews

The ultimate aim of a child inclusive interview is to gain insight into how your child is perceiving and managing family dynamics. Rather than focusing on specific issues or making choices, child interviews helps the consultant convey a clear picture of how the child experiences the parental relationship. This allows parents to understand the impact of separation from their child’s perspective. Many parents tell us that they have hidden their fighting from their children and as such, think that their children are unaware of the change of dynamic between their parents. While children may not fully understand the details of what’s going on, they are very in tune with their parents and can pick up on changes even if they don’t observe fighting or arguments. Child interviews provide a safe and controlled space for children to express their perception of these changes in dynamic.

Each question or activity is selected to gently reveal coping strategies that the child might have developed. For example, the consultant might ask, “If you had three wishes for your family, what would they be?” or “What’s the best thing about being at Mum’s house?” These open-ended questions invite children to share their personal experiences, not just about how they’re handling the separation, but about their hopes and relationships with each parent.

The Benefits of Child Inclusive Mediation

Parents sometimes worry that involving children might create more stress, but in fact, child inclusive mediation (CIM) often relieves emotional pressure. Many children feel they carry their parents’ feelings or worries, and having a space to talk about this privately can lessen that burden. Research shows that children who participate in CIM often feel more understood and supported during their family’s separation process. Professor Jennifer McIntosh, a leading researcher in the field, has emphasised the benefits of CIM, revealing that it can foster more stable family dynamics post-separation by reducing parental conflict and improving co-parenting collaboration. A four-year study led by McIntosh demonstrated that children involved in CIM had notably higher satisfaction with post-separation parenting arrangements than those who were not included, underscoring the effectiveness of this approach (McIntosh, Long & Wells, 2009).

CIP: Supporting Your Child Through Change

After the interview, the child consultant communicates the key themes that emerge to you, the parents, while respecting the child’s privacy. This feedback often reveals underlying needs and anxieties that help parents make mindful decisions about supporting their child through this transition. In many cases, hearing these insights deepens parents’ understanding, helping them create a safer, more nurturing environment moving forward.

Child inclusive mediation is a thoughtful approach designed to protect your child’s wellbeing, ensuring they feel safe, respected, and supported during family transitions. By listening to your child’s experience in a way that’s comfortable for them, CIM allows you as parents to see through their eyes and prioritise their emotional health, helping them to feel secure and understood as your family navigates change.

References: McIntosh, J. E., Long, C. M., & Wells, Y. D. (2009). Children Beyond Dispute: A Four-Year Follow-Up Study of Outcomes from Child-Focused and Child-Inclusive Post-Separation Family Dispute Resolution. Melbourne: La Trobe University. Available at: https://www.childrenbeyonddispute.com