Building Strong Relationships For Better Mediation Outcomes

In family mediation, the relationship between the practitioner and the client is key to successful outcomes, especially when working with separating parents. Navigating the emotional complexities of separation requires a nuanced approach, blending empathy with firm guidance. Family lawyers and mediators are tasked with helping clients process their attachment to the past relationship while focusing on their children’s well-being. This delicate process demands patience, insight, and a strong professional-client bond. In this blog, we will explore how family practitioners can foster effective relationships with their clients and guide them through the challenges of separation.

Why Clients Resist Change in Mediation

One of the most significant challenges for practitioners is understanding the deep emotional roots of clients' resistance to change. Parents in mediation are not just struggling with scheduling time with their children; they are grappling with the loss of an intimate relationship. This often brings up unresolved emotions and a need for closure. Practitioners must recognize that expressions of anger, complaint, or criticism from parents are often signs of deeper hurt.

These feelings are part of the parents' attempt to make sense of the separation, and until they reach a level of personal acceptance, it may be difficult for them to let go. It is important to approach these expressions not as attacks, but as opportunities to help parents process their emotions. Often, parents are driven by a need to feel understood, and practitioners who can provide that understanding are more likely to gain the parents' trust and cooperation.

Helping Clients Accommodate New Ideas Gradually

In the early stages of mediation, clients may not be ready for robust discussions about change. For many, the initial confrontation with new ideas about co-parenting can feel overwhelming, leading to defensive reactions. It is essential for practitioners to allow parents time to calm down before introducing new concepts. Asking parents to list their agendas too early may reconnect them with their anger and resentment, making them less capable of considering alternative perspectives.

Instead, practitioners should focus on gradually increasing the parents' capacity to accommodate change. By encouraging reflective conversations about their children, practitioners can shift the focus away from personal grievances and toward the children’s needs. This approach fosters a more open mindset, allowing for greater receptiveness to new ideas over time.

The Role of the Child Consultant

In Child Inclusive Practice, the child consultant plays a pivotal role in guiding parents toward constructive change. A child consultant must maintain a positive and mutually respectful tone while keeping the focus on the impact of conflict on the children. They must resist being drawn into parental agendas and instead remain singularly focused on two key themes: the link between parental conflict and its effects on the children, and the importance of the parents’ alliance in creating a healthier environment for their children.

The child consultant’s role is not to take sides or become embroiled in personal conflicts, but to advocate for the children. By offering insights into how children experience the conflict and the potential long-term effects, the consultant can inspire parents to take responsibility and work together for their children’s benefit.

Using Parental Instincts as a Motivating Force

A powerful element of this process lies in harnessing the parents’ innate concern for their children. By tapping into their evolutionary drive to protect their offspring, practitioners can encourage parents to put aside their differences for the sake of their children’s well-being. This is a key motivator that can prompt parents to reflect on their actions and make meaningful changes.

Encouraging Insight and the Formation of a New Alliance

One of the most effective tools in Child Inclusive Practice is creating moments of insightful reflection for parents. Through a process that includes individual sessions with each parent, interviews with the children, and feedback based on both research and the children’s experiences, parents can begin to see the broader picture. They are invited to understand the impact of their conflict on their children and consider ways to change their dynamic.

This moment of reflection often leads to the suggestion of forming a new parenting alliance—one focused on protecting the children from the consequences of conflict. When parents are able to see this alliance as an opportunity to provide a conflict-free environment for their children, they are more likely to embrace it.

Conclusion: A Model for Positive Change

The Child Inclusive Practice model provides family practitioners with a powerful framework for helping parents move beyond conflict. By maintaining a focus on the children and carefully managing the emotional landscape, mediators and child consultants can inspire parents to reflect on their behavior and work together for their children’s benefit. Building a strong relationship with clients, based on trust and understanding, is essential to guiding them through the challenging process of separation. With patience and a careful balance of empathy and firm guidance, practitioners can help parents create a more harmonious future for their children.

We offer training for family lawyers, mediators and child consultants. If you’re interested in arranging a session, please contact us.