Considering the child’s welfare during divorce
Bill speaks to Stewart’s Law as part of a Q&A. They discuss topics such as how non-verbal communication can influence a child’s behaviour, how to mitigate some of the negative impact of divorce on children and if honesty is always the best policy.
Read an extract from the Q&A below:
Rosie Stewart: Parents fear the impact of divorce on their children, such as sadness and loss. Are they right to do so? How do you fit this into the above narrative?
Bill Hewlett: Separation and divorce are not in themselves harmful to children. The important thing for children is how compassionately and supportively the separation and divorce are handled by the parents, as the quality of a child’s life is fundamentally dependent on their parents’ state of mind.
Children will inevitably experience feelings of sadness and loss. While this is happening, it’s very important that they feel seen by their parents and that their parents respond to them appropriately.
Nothing is better for a child than to feel understood by their parents. If a parent can describe their understanding of how that child is feeling in a tentative and curious way, the child will appreciate the parent’s sense of interest in them. For example, a child would appreciate a parent saying to them: “I imagine your first fear of the divorce may be that you may not matter to us or that someone else may replace you, that would be awful.”
It does not solve the problem, but it lets the child know that the parent understands how they may be feeling about it. The child’s logic is: “I will be ok as long as the person looking after me understands me.” It is about being in tune with the child. If the parents are in a good place, they will be capable of being in tune with their children and able to respond to the child’s emotional experience.
You can read the full Q&A here, or if you have questions specific to your situation, send us a message and we will come back to you.