How do we tell the children?
Divorce is undoubtedly a challenging time for any family, especially when children are involved. However, keeping children informed and involved in the process can make a significant difference in how they navigate this transition. Bill speaks to the parenting and lifestyle network, My Baba to give practical tips and advice on how to tell your children that you’re separating:
Bill discusses the importance of tone of voice and body language, children’s levels of perception and the need for parents to try their best to move from anger and blame to a place of acceptance and possibility.
By framing the changes to your family in a positive way, you can help alleviate the anxiety and worry your children may be feeling. We know this is easier said than done, so we’ve come up with some ideas to help guide you on how to speak to your children about your separation.
‘We have been thinking about how to make sure that you all have the best time possible when you are with us. We’ve noticed that when we make each other feel happy then that makes each of you feel happy too.’
‘You’ve probably noticed that we haven’t always been happy, we can tell this because of the questions you sometimes ask us, for example, sometimes you tell us to stop arguing, or you ask if we’re getting a divorce, or whether one of us will leave the house one day and not come back.’
‘We know that we’ve argued in front of you and we want to do less of that.’
‘We like each other in a different way from how we used to and this means there are some changes we would like to make that will make us happier with each other and then we can do a better job of being your parents.’
‘So, we’re going to change a few things around to make sure that as your parents, we are happier, and whenever you need us to. The changes we want to make are going to help that because they are going to allow us to be happier within ourselves.’
‘The changes we’re going to make are going to include which houses we’re both going to be living in. We thought that it would be good to sometimes just be with one of you so we can chat without your brothers and sisters being around. There will also be times when you are all together when you’re with each of us.’
‘We know this is a good idea because it will make us both feel happier, so you will each get more of our attention at bedtime/we will both be at home more than we have been.’
‘The new way that we’re going to be living is going to be better for all of us. It’s going to be really exciting and we’re both looking forward to it. We will need your help to tell us how we should arrange things just how you like them.’
‘We both want to make sure that we can talk to each other about how we think you are feeling in a way that makes you all feel comfortable and that we like talking to each other.’
You can read the full article for further advice from Bill, or contact us for advice specific for your situation.